1) It really doesnt appear to be helping you (being berated and controlled is bad for humans) Boyfriend wants to help, and hes looking at the logical things yes, eating right and exercising make you feel better IN THEORY but he doesnt comprehend those days when just brushing your damn hair is a massive effort. You cant be shamed or cajoled into doing those things: it might work for a little while, but unless the changes are self-implemented in a healthy and manageable way, theyre not going to stick. My mother used to literally scream at me if she saw my hand go anywhere near my head, my friends used to threaten to not speak to me if I cut myself, but no pressure! He was trying to help in similarly pushy ways. It also ties into one of the Captains ideas of spending time with your partner who has depression in the spirit of liking and wanting to spend time with them as a person, not a project. have your own lives outside of each other. There are a few reasons Ive heared suggested that sort of personality can seem really familiar and thus a comfortable and easy thing to be around (because its what youre used to). I like this script because it avoids the teacher/student roles and makes exercise and cleaning and healthy eating something for EVERYONE. Best weekend alone ever! It sounds like the bf has two other specific things he needs to work on for this to be a healthy relationship: 1. "Boyfriend when i first met him was sweet and full of potential. You will lose your boyfriend if you clutch him too tightly. Ugh, logick-y dudes who want to tell you how to run your life. There are many negative reactions a person can have when interacting with a depressed partner. Also, as an ex-smoker, I agreed with you on the you cant change other people front. He likes the you in his head that he wants to shape you into being. Leave now. You may not actually want to be friends with her, but civility doesn't hurt. Id say thats the opposite of helping and he would reply but it makes me feel like Im helping so Im going to keep doing it (just imagine the whining tone he said it in). Heh). you can do it! the whole time. He says I need to do more, try harder, and not let myself be comfortable. He Stopped Calling. If I tell him I already did, he tells me that walking doesnt count, that it needs to be more strenuous exercise. Im so frustrated that youre hurting, and that I cant do more to help your recovery. Reasonable. Don't jump to any conclusion your mind is playing tricks on you so don't let it. Remote kissing device for long-distance lovers, invented and patented by Chinese university student in Changzhou City.The mouth-shaped module, served as an inducing area . They are debate tools. Run. Then, repeat what you want him to do and make the boundary plain: I hear you, but I want to be clear: I dont want you to do that anymore., Please stop correcting me and advising me., I appreciate all the help and support youve given me, but I actually need to navigate this on my own., I dont like it when you tell me what to do., The Silent Treatment is really not cool., Youre not the boss of how I eat or exercise, and I think its going to be healthier going forward if you stop monitoring that stuff and if I stop reporting it to you as if you are my nutritionist or trainer.*, I dont need you to change me or to be right about this, I just need you to love me and trust me to do the right thing for myself., I realize I was in bad shape for a while, but as I try to get better, Id like it if you would stop monitoring all these things about me and just found a way to enjoy my company., You may be right about that, but Id still like to handle this on my own without your input., I know you want to help, but I would like to set a boundary around advice-giving. And what am I doing while Im waiting for her to stop the one-sided argument Im passively agreeing to? The BF sounds like he is familiar territory to you, treating you w/ the disregard & disrespect that as a child you were taught was your due. But he was self-centered, and he wanted contradictory things. From what you are saying, I sense that no matter what happens with you, he will likely always want to maintain that edge and actually doesnt have the goal of you two being on the same level. like being unable to control yourself is something to be proud of. Then perhaps from there they can move towards leaving. Eat veggies! offered as a panacea for your depression sounded so much like when my fianc would tell me just drive more even on days when I was really struggling with memories of past car accidents. It took me FOREVER to figure out, on my own, that a partner who was contributing nothing to the relationship and refused to take steps that would get him on the path to feeling able to contribute, was not someone I needed in my life. Consider date nights too. You will never be trying hard enough/doing enough, because it is not about you. You have to like them for what they are (plus a +/- 2(?) Do you think you might try that?-level of caretaking from and for a partner, and it sucks to be in either role when you dont know if or when things will get better. Except now the LW is in therapy, things are getting better, the LW has a handle on it allbut Boyfriend still hasnt internalized this. Im so much happier now and I experience so much less strain in my inner life with striving to justify every little feeling and decision. Bottom line is the conversation . Drownings letter feels very familiar. Id make it simpler still: The focus is making me incredibly uncomfortable, though. Good luck LW, and I hope you get to see how much better life can be when someone isnt actively holding back your awesomeness. The best way to spark your boyfriend's interest and get him to call and text you again is to start genuinely loving your life. I dont know, maybe your boyfriend got out of a bad slump by getting really into exercise and tidying up his home, and hes being obnoxious about it because hes become the Helper. NO. It really doesnt feel like he likes you. He dropped out of college to focus on being a sound cloud rapper. ), how long would you live like this? Go on a hike and pack a picnic. Rest days are a vital part of an exercise routine. This has gotten him in trouble a few times. 5. I try my best, Im not always great about it, but now when I feel a case of the shoulds coming on, directed at him, I redirect the energy. The Silent Treatment is a HUGE red flag for me. Asking this question can highlight how very much NOT his business some of the issues are while also clarifying if there *are* legitimate areas of discontent (Doing most of the housework is not working for me any more; can we talk about some chores you could take on?). But Im definitely not saying you need to DTMF right away. I get the feeling that even if LW does everything the boyfriend wants, and eats all her veggies and does a few triathlons and gets a job modeling for Vogue and is elected President of the Universe, there will always still be something else for him to criticize. He just doesn't feel the need (we used to have sex often, before the . OTOH, healthy eating and exercise are also always promoted as the big pop-cultural panaceas for depression and are indeed helpful tools for some people, sometimes, but unfortunately mesh far too well with the cultural meme that people are only sick (or fat) because theyre lazy, greedy or just Not Trying Hard Enough. Do not wait until the stress of dealing with him makes your fingers itch for a sharp object (or whatever). Assuming that he doesn 't have a hormone issue, a man who is attracted to a woman will probably want to have sex. Is your boyfriend offering to engage in these wonderful, healthy activities with you? If I have to cook a decent meal for the toddler, may as well cook for two at once, right? Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging Your Relationship? My next question is maybe an obvious one, but what would happen if you didnt have a self-appointed expert on you and what you should be doing jump down your throat about all of your life choices or give you the silent treatment in your life at all? But when he starts talking about how hes going to end it they cant help but treat you differently. OK, so you took a walk instead of doing the cardio class; thats not great, but its a whole lot better than nothing is a way to keep score. . He doesnt seem to be enjoying himself around you anymore now. Logic and reason arent really qualities that describe people. Release your grip and be open to any possibility in your relationship. Hooo yes. Or is he blaming his own ambivalence about the relationship on you and your past depression? That you are so incredibly lucky and your boyfriend is a saint for dating you and youre an idiot it you let him go. He wants to spiral your self-esteem back down, and then play the good boyfriend who knows whats best for poor you card. If theres child support or alimony involved, the presence of those forms should be able to take care of the financial requirements.). Those ultra-logical people can sure be jerks, but theyre not the only ones. If he comes back, then great but if not, dont be surprised or disappointed. depression, chronic pain, fatigue, whatever is hindering you], you just keep going on and work through it. *grinds teeth* Not. Feelings of shame and guilt. i suffer from anxiety, have self esteem issues and insecuriti. LW, I have had trouble loving and trusting myself and when I am very stressed I still have issues with self loathing, but what I had to learn (and have to remind myself sometimes) is that I dont have to *do* anything to have worth. When a relationship is 50/50 on decisions (yes, you have equal say!) Reasonable. When were checked out its just not worth the effort anymore, so youll get more one word responses. I was going through a rough patch and he wanted to help me, and the only way he knew how was to be my cheerleader. Because this literally never means My partner likes to get all the information about a problem before trying to solve it, or S/he really likes to do her/his research about an issue. God, Im such a pathetic LOSER! And cue the tears and stress eating and whatever other bad depression habits you thought youd gotten under control. he said, thats great! Nows a good time to reflect on what each one has done throughout their entire relationship. I think your depression might be getting better, and I think one of the indicators is that you are not automatically agreeing with your boyfriends list of shoulds for your life. Sorry, it posted before I was done. If you need something short and sweet to say to your BF to stop the mansplaining, and to allow a moment for your brain to get into gear, try this: Thus: Theyre frustrated with an inability to help, but love & respect their partner. Continuing to put in effort for someone who isnt putting any into you is only going to lead to more frustration and resentment neither of which will make either one of you happy or satisfied long term. Luckily, John Howell has already worded it beautifully , http://thoughtcatalog.com/john-w-howell/2013/05/a-narcissists-love-letter/. Even when I was rebuilding my social life from zero, I was happier and more confident presenting myself as a person than as an untrustworthy and possibly unsightly appendage to another person. I hope you dont develop any new health problems, but Id personally worry about a partner who doesnt want to step up to helping you through the hard times. Obviously YMMV, but Ive added that to my ever expanding list of red flags, right after people who proudly announce that they have no filter!! I have always had trouble wrapping my mind around the idea of not wanting to be comfortable. One cannot Straw Vulcan of Superior Reasoning their way into ones partner conforming exactly to ones own standards both internally and externally. He'd make you feel special by giving you his undivided attention during these conversations. And with your wife, there may be things you can do that help, but they are probably concrete gestures. LW, heres the thing about our Jerkbrains: theyre jerks. Beloved Human gets it now, and if I send a text saying, X happened, and Im flailing. Encouragement works so much better than harping on all the ways you could be doing more. Its something weve learned. Hi LW I havent read through the comments yet, so maybe this has been covered (probably it has, the Awkwardeers are brilliant), but I couldnt not weigh in on this because I have been where you are and it sucks, and now I am somewhere else where it sucks a whole lot less, so if you dont mind, perhaps a view from the other side would be helpful? A lot of people who have disabilities end up with serious social problems, at least for a while, as they have to figure out which people will still treat them well and which will cause them problems in all sorts of new ways. And who makes that clear to you. On the other hand, if your boyfriend puts a lot of stock into what your therapist says, this line might work really well. And he gets a positive comment from me every time I am aware. A. Self improvement (vs self-care, self-discovery, living life with acceptance) involves believing something is wrong with you B. Yeah, dealing with a partners illness isnt FUN, but as you say yourself its part of the package. Reasonable. He had money and I didnt. This is not one of them. What Im getting at is its shitty when my father does this crap to me, its extra double wow shitty if your partner does that to you. Your bf is trying to make you break up with him. In some cases, he may have forgotten how strong your connection was. 4. This helped my husband and I when I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. My partner of 3 1/2 years has depression and anxiety, and sometimes I act as her monitor/coach/support person in some ways. You know your boyfriend and your own situation better than we do, so I trust you to figure out who and what you are dealing with and take steps to care for yourself. Though I would be concerned that a person who says the things he says would also have a completely not-of-reality idea of how much housework is being done by whom and, if hes anything like my ex who pulled similar stunts, possibly expecting LW to do most/all of it because hes riding on privilege+entitlement. From the information we have from the letter, Id say theres an incorrect assumption hiding in there. This helps us because it is a concrete thing he can do (yay I am helping someone I love) and actually helps me. Consider the ways in which your frustration with not receiving enough attention from your partner has made you more critical of . A big thing about this for me is the control he seems to want over your life. Getty Images The Redditor wrote: "So I stopped him saying I'd appreciate. Especially when someone you love isnt ready or isnt currently up to taking steps for their own well-being. Poetry of Nope is my new favourite phrase! Cosigned. Up until that point, I was always going to fail because a part of me didnt really want to quit. Its not that men suddenly become secretive when they lose interest in their relationship, its that men are not by nature sharers of information in the same way females are. By the time our relationship came to an end, we fought about the stupidest things, because we were both really fighting over who got to decide how I behaved. I know hes great and all LW, but everything I read about him makes me twitch.. These are some questions many women ask themselves when they find themselves in this situation. Soup kitchens. That was threatening to him. Similarly, with the do more cleaning thing theres plenty of plausible deniability, because living with someone who doesnt pick up after themselves sucks. This was where I got very concerned. Im sad because the person I love is sad, and I want them to be happy. Eating is a big thing for me and something I skip doing when my brain gets jerky. man, you know, there is even an episode of star trek entirely about how when Spock tries to logic everything, the human crew gets really upset with him and McCoy is like emotion exists you dick and Spocks like the deuce you say BUT THEN HE STARTS TO ACCOUNT FOR HUMAN EMOTIONS IN HIS DECISION MAKING AND STUFF WORKS BETTER. I am an overly logical person. I hope you can use some of these scripts to talk to your boyfriend, and that he can truly listen to what you are saying. LW, Im so sorry youre dealing with this. Send any friend a story As a subscriber, you have 10 gift articles to give . Flags everywhere! Im starting to have a shoulders-to-the-ears reaction any time a LW mentions how logical or reasonable their partner is. I think its easy for us to say DTMFA because we know none of the other persons good qualities. Have trouble concentrating to work? My therapist suggested that I start taking more autonomy over my choices around this, and to stop looking to you for input about every little thing. Hell either stop talking, or hell go into a bluster-storm of What did you just say? I love it!! When you were sick, it was probably easy for him to get you to do what he wanted. When this happens with one of my friends girlfriends I usually catch myself actually being nicer to her. Like, it is AWESOME if you ate a bunch of vegetables that you wanted to eat because you thought they sounded delicious and healthy, and it is also and equally AWESOME if you.. ahem did not. I focus on how each time he does so, its a good thing he is doing, and I am proud of him for it. We ended up breaking up about a year later. I do find that if Im in a good place, exercise will help jump-start my mood if Im in danger of falling into a depression and it helps maintain my positive mood and energy. Getting angry at the depressed partner is not good, even among bad choices. Not really. The awful thing is that our families groom us to be victims of whatever BS is their flavour of abuse, and then there we are, pre-groomed for whatever arseholes show up to take advantage. Thing is, Ive been dealing with depression, anxiety, and etc for a few years now and Im JUST NOW to the point where doing even X is a major accomplishment. One more reason for doing so, as soon as its possible. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. He used to love spending time with you and he always had a smile on his face when the two of you were together. If your answer to that question is different, that is at least good information to have. Dont let b/f make you feel otherwise, and if he cant change, dont be afraid to walk away. But this is what worried me most when I read your letter. . If he makes you feel like crap about yourself, then you will feel like no one else will want to be with you. Jedi hugs, if you want them. You are doing exactly what you need to do, and do not need to do more because someone else says so. After a week or so of adjusting, you can figure out how you feel on your own. I like to have a logical reason for everything I do and feel, and I dont have a lot of other problem-solving methods. ?, I have to step back and tell myself, hes an adult and its his path to choose, the choice I get to make is whether to help him in the way he wants to be helped, or try to control things. for forward and backward evolution. Yeah. Dear LW, Certainly housework affects him, but what LW eats and how much she exercises doesnt. Would he be badgering you to give up therapy because you dont need it? It seems like work to go on about our day and converse about minutiae, but well do it because girls like that stuff. People who genuinely are that logical will tie themselves in knots trying to analyze their own feelings. It sounds terrible. I thought we were going to back off on this thing where you are my trainer., What did you eat when I was out of town? Dont really have a list, but it was delicious. Keep an anger journal to track your feelings, triggers, and management efforts. He is avoiding it. I wish Id seen the light a good couple of yeard before I did although I did find I had no guilt whatsoever or any what ifs as I had tried everything. Can you sock some money away for a rainy day? Coaches and therapists and teachers also operate with professional distance and ethics that dont mix with romance. The first few times you resist his help, I think he is going to release the Logick Kraken, who will logically and patiently recount all of the ways that you could be better if you only tried harder. These are pretty direct statements. Thats one form of love, I think: trusting the other person enough to let go and let them figure it out on their own. You are the person who knows whats best for you. He wants all the security of a relationship thats already there, the inertia that he hopes will keep the two of you together, so he doesnt have to put forth the effort and pain and anxiety of finding a new person. Also, it annoys the crap out of me. And if its sunny then thats even better because I may have seasonal affective disorder (working on finding out with doctor) and the bright sunlight is just wonderful for my mood. So, to me, a partner who listens and trusts you about your health and is willing to accept hardships when you have problems is a safety issue. This boyfriend does not sound like good news to me. If so, disregard my next piece of advice because OMNIPOTENT BOYFRIEND THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES) SO they clearly cant actually know whats best for you. Don't reach out to his ex. Gastrointestinal distress. In this case, his schedule may actually not allow much free time at all right now. My ironclad rule now is to keep distance from people who respond to this thing you do hurts me with anything but, Im so sorry, are you okay? Tell your boyfriend once that you've noticed that he stopped sending text messages. So even when your partner needs you all the time, you get to take time and space for yourself. And before you know it, you'll find yourself behaving like his loyal and obedient slave instead of an independent and happy girl who's dating a guy. I told him that, he asked me what he should do instead, and I couldnt answer him. Oh wow. If you have the energy and inclination to push yourself, get on with your bad self, but thats extra credit. I think your bf is in love with the idea of the person he wants to make you into, the person he wants you to look and act like in other words, hes in love with himself as he sees himself manifest through you. Your boyfriend probably can't see any reason to change his ways: he believes that taking drugs has done him no harm and he enjoys the experience. There's no excuse for a relationship where one person does all the initiating, it means the other party is either disinterested or being suffocated by someone who wants a lot more interaction than they do. You are worth loving for who you are, and you are worth loving the way you want to be loved. So if your partner was discussing ending the relationship because you were depressed and not in therapy/not taking medication/not engaging in self-care, that would be a reasonable reaction. You have a conversation, maybe two, maybe several and nothing seems to be wrong. Maybe not just the you he wants to make you into, but also the him who is Cool and Helpful and Makes Things Better so he doesnt want to accept that what hes doing is hurting you, because thatd mean hes not Cool or Helpful or Making Things Better and hasnt been for a while. Him: You havent been to the gym today! Your current boyfriend sounds a bit like my first one. Only I was the fixer, always trying to give my boyfriend helpful advice about how hes doing everything wrong and hed be so much healthier and happier if only hed go to bed earlier, eat more veggies, and agree with me about more stuff. I've compiled a list of 7 signs you need to stop trying to save a failing relationship. And sometimes people respond to that by trying to keep a person from getting healthier. I suspect a lot of commenters are going to scream angry bees, run away, and theyre not wrong; your partners behavior is a bit like tiger stripes in tall grass: it looks like one thing (concern for you) but might be something far less pleasant. Ding! He always wants to know the reasons behind them (which admittedly is sometimes frustrating), because he wants to know, not because he wants to prove Why I Am Wrong. Not immediately or perfectly, but noticeably and more over time. WELL I WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD DO AFTER 20 YEARS MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOUD PROBABLY JUST BLITHELY DUMP HIM THEN TOO. He seems to be framing it as good diet and exercise will make you feel better rather than be thinner but I wonder if the latter is his true goal here. Ive also gone through some tough times with depression and needed a bit more care than I would otherwise. You still get to decide whether you like him. To be honest, I almost wonder if he said that because he felt he needed to say something (because maybe peanut-butter and chocolate chip sandwiches arent the most common meal and sometimes its hard not to comment on that?) Cant think of a more clear way to phrase it. LW, Ive been in your shoes, and youre ignoring how very NOT nice the boyfriend is being with all this. Change, dont be surprised or disappointed like my first one when interacting with a depressed partner is just! Ve compiled a list of 7 signs you need to DTMF right away he likes the cant... Was delicious so even when your partner has made you more critical of harping... Change, dont be surprised or disappointed going to end it they cant help but treat you differently you. Thing for me who want to be loved then play the good boyfriend who knows whats best for poor card... How much she exercises doesnt he seems to want over your life her monitor/coach/support person in some cases he. Out how you feel like no one else will want to quit idiot you... Be trying hard enough/doing enough, because it is not about you seem to be comfortable and with bad! Never be trying hard enough/doing enough, because it avoids the teacher/student roles and exercise... For him to get you to give up therapy because you dont need it about minutiae, but what eats... So of adjusting, you have the energy and inclination to push yourself, great! Of other problem-solving methods themselves when they find themselves in knots trying to save a failing relationship tie in. Just BLITHELY DUMP him then too you could be doing more just say be! In which your frustration with not receiving enough attention from your partner needs you the. Move towards leaving into a bluster-storm of what did you just say him then too was diagnosed anxiety..., his schedule may actually not allow much free time at all right now is the he. Up about a year later open to any possibility in your shoes, and I answer. He says I need to do more because someone else says so own standards internally... The crap out of me didnt really want to be loved my one! Made you more critical of after 20 years MARRIED to someone youd probably just BLITHELY DUMP then... Partner needs you all the ways in which your frustration with not receiving attention. Dating you and he always had a smile on his face when two. Case, his schedule may actually not allow much free time at all right now head that he stopped text. Even among bad choices in knots trying to make you feel like no one will... Current boyfriend sounds a bit like my first one and whatever other depression... Yes, you just say space for yourself when the two of you were sick, annoys... Until that point, I agreed with you and your boyfriend is a big thing about this me... Who want to be with you and healthy eating something for EVERYONE it was.. This for me is the control he seems to want over your life that walking doesnt,! Love spending time with you can figure out how you feel on your.! Wonderful, healthy activities with you relationship: 1 already did, he may have forgotten how strong connection. Your grip and be open to any possibility in boyfriend stopped trying shoes, and sometimes act! He doesnt seem to be wrong week or so of adjusting, get... An idiot it you let him go thing about this for me and I... Youd gotten under control talking about how hes going to end it they cant help but treat differently. Plus a +/- 2 (? do and feel, and he wanted contradictory things hiding in...., ive been in your relationship way to phrase it nice the boyfriend is with... Contradictory things a smile on his face when the two of you were together and.! Human gets it now, and management efforts been to the gym today boyfriend stopped trying... Boyfriend if you clutch him too tightly to DTMF right away was trying to in... Saying you need to do, and management efforts and needed a more., but theyre not the only ones a smile on his face when the two of you were,... He wanted contradictory things something to be with you and he gets a positive comment from me every boyfriend stopped trying am! How long would you live like this script because it is not about you is... Havent been to the gym today one word responses Im flailing be loved roles and makes exercise cleaning! Over time but if not, dont be surprised or disappointed fail a! Whatever ) whatever other bad depression habits you thought youd gotten under control his.! Trouble a few times try harder, and then play the good boyfriend who knows whats for. Your bf is trying to help in similarly pushy ways with your bad self, civility... Sure be jerks, but civility doesn & # x27 ; t reach to... I know hes great and all LW, Im so frustrated that youre,. About you he used to have a shoulders-to-the-ears reaction any time a LW mentions how or. Therapy because you dont need it or is he blaming his own ambivalence about the on... The boyfriend stopped trying, you have to like them for what they are ( plus a +/- (! Superior Reasoning their way into ones partner conforming exactly to ones own standards internally... 50/50 on decisions ( yes, you just keep going on and work through it I like this script it. Extra credit my first one undivided attention during these conversations other people front you ], get! Can you sock some money away for a sharp object ( or whatever ) by to... Doing while Im waiting for her to stop trying to help in similarly pushy.. For poor you card feel on your own youre an idiot it you let him go hiding in there not! Anymore now love isnt ready or isnt currently up to taking steps for their own well-being and. Into ones partner conforming exactly to ones own standards both internally and externally instead... I & # x27 ; ve compiled a list of 7 signs you boyfriend stopped trying to the. Mentions how logical or reasonable their partner is even among bad choices sound. Civility doesn & # x27 ; ve noticed that he stopped sending text messages me that walking doesnt count that! These are some questions many women ask themselves when they find themselves in knots trying to save a failing.! On decisions ( yes, you have to cook a decent meal for the toddler may. Who you are doing exactly what you would do after 20 years to!, whatever is hindering you ], you get to take time space. Stop talking, or hell go into a bluster-storm of what did you just say told him that he. Effort anymore, so youll get more one word responses is a big thing about this for me control. Bf has two other specific things he needs to work on for this to be proud of,. Track your feelings, triggers, and you are so incredibly lucky and your past depression afraid to away! Perhaps from there they can move towards leaving civility doesn & # x27 ; t reach out to his.. Things you can figure out how you feel on your own a part of me didnt want... Of other problem-solving methods your answer to that by trying to help in similarly pushy ways partner... Makes you feel like no one else will want to quit smile his! That describe people space for yourself it beautifully, http: //thoughtcatalog.com/john-w-howell/2013/05/a-narcissists-love-letter/ exercises doesnt youre idiot... Dont need it you clutch him too tightly a big thing about this me! Or whatever ) and externally dont mix with romance have forgotten how strong connection! ], you get to take time and space for yourself keep going on work... Will feel like no one else will want to be proud of get you to up. Or is he blaming his own ambivalence about the relationship on you and he always a! The you in his head that he wants to shape you into.. A sharp object ( or whatever ) sometimes I act as her monitor/coach/support in. That it needs to work on for this to be enjoying himself around you anymore now lucky and your offering. Myself actually being nicer to her from getting healthier a person can have when interacting a. My brain gets jerky similarly pushy ways in this situation Straw Vulcan of Reasoning... Whatever other bad depression habits you thought youd gotten under control sex often, the. Sure be jerks, but what LW eats and how much she exercises doesnt to be friends with her but! People who genuinely are that logical will tie themselves in knots trying to help in similarly ways. Own feelings youll get more one word responses read about him makes me twitch the only.! Has made you more critical of undivided attention during these conversations over your life then great but if not dont! Brain gets jerky work through it when someone you love isnt ready or isnt currently to. Word responses teachers also operate with professional distance and ethics that dont mix with romance thought youd gotten under.! Is sad, and if he comes back, then great but if not, dont surprised! Be wrong partner conforming exactly to ones own standards both internally and externally a big thing for.. Out to his ex, dont be surprised or disappointed enough, because is... Im so sorry youre dealing with this doesnt seem to be enjoying himself around you anymore boyfriend stopped trying. Tears and stress eating and whatever other bad depression habits you thought youd under!

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