Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 12. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Lasting Supper Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Unless you can be Batman. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. I was the cook.. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Marine: Wait, stop. As A.J. He finally comes dragging in at. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Dont think so? Attention! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. 9. Want more amazing military jokes? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Auld Lang Slice Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. 30. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Me: No, I dont. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. A drill serGENTLEMEN! A LOOtenant! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. How tough? Why Do We Celebrate It? An airplane! The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Then came Dads ships turn. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Speed is life. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. 50. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. 10. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! 46. Co-Pilot: What?!. The Marine said Are you crazy? March forth! Return to Humor Index. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. What happened Sergeant? However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. 2. Marine: Wait, stop. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Stay out of clouds. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. At least SEVEN Cs! She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Did you hear about the big accident on base? 28. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? In-dough-structible 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Yes, said the lieutenant. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! 11. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Eternal Piece No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Altitude is life insurance. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. What would As A.J. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 32. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. You can see why: 'Never fly in the same cockpit. I just put them all together for your amusement. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Military jokes! 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Baltimore, said Dad. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. What do hungry Marines eat? Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. He needed COVER! If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Officer: Soldier. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. St. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Thats Daddy. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 15. Why? I asked. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. But I am public affairs, I said. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? SUB sandwiches! What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? We recommend our users to update the browser. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Reluctantly, he showed it to me. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. 5. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. It took the poor guy all day. Attention! A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. . As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Me: Still the wrong number. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Killed bin Laden. What did you do? Why won't you kiss me? 17. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Where are you from? Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Rodrigues there? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Because the Army needed heroes too. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. It took the poor guy all day. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Thanks.. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Read more. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. 41. We have one or two in here! March forth! Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. 45. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Caller: Is Sgt. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Anecdotes 2. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. This is really good, he said. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Its not weak, he replied. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Aviation JOKES. Dad got quiet. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Of course, he responded. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Eat up! One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Proceed at your own risk. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever.