She wants to be my friend because of how she thinks my presence serves as one of her ideal actors in the movie that is her life. Anon, my comments were taken way out of context. First, I had the internet shut off in his name and re-opened in my name a month ago; second, he should have shut the cable off when he left but he has left it on. Dont reconnect..another power game to just see if u will even think about it or respondhe is toxicrun.. the things that are happening to me after this are interesting, I remember when I went no contact it was strange in a similar way, I actually perversly missed the abuse !! It is a battle on both ends. Someone took away his lollipop and there is hell to pay. I still care for him and he does actually try to be a good friend ie if I have a problem etc. On my part I wanted to mention so-called behavioral approach to character disturbances. 23 Narcissist Hoovering Tactics to Watch Out For]. For example, he could be a Narcissist and Borderline, too (or vice versa). Why did i gave him this good feeling to have his way. If you want a stress-free life, Id advise you to run for the hills! Gosh, I dont know. If he is a true Narcissist (without empathy) then there is no sense getting back in touch with him. When she was depressed or on a come down, she would agree. I have not spoken to her in over three months now, and have not sent out a text since April 1st. Interesting!!! When I started questioning his hobbies/spendings/ more female friends (I had enough), the devalue followed by discard happened. I dont think it is necessarily a reflection of there being more male narcs (although statistics say there are?) I am totally spinning, dont know which way is up, I find it difficult to make decissions & I feel completely Lost without him !!. So u see, ur hope amd faith is a waste. You are not alone, you dont need to do it alone. Now i wrote him yesterday those angry mails. I think he will probably try again with you and when hes certain youre done he will try to make u miserable..by being difficult with the kids and whatever he can do to push your buttons. Typically, people who seek professional help do so because they have a level of self-awareness thats given them insight into their mental and emotional state. And that i better look for an other man because he cant make me happy. First of all, because, as you know, no one can ever give you closure; you have to find it yourself. They need to abandon first. So from this point onvten years ago til now had has been Im control. This guy dont know him Sees only the glamour side of him and feels flatterd. In the relation we were Always together. YOUR ABUSIVE. I keep trying to justify his behavior. And they are not happy in their new life. I still think about her every damn day and even had a dream the other night that she came back into my life with an apology for her behavior. BAhahaha! And if she then tells her bf that you suspect hes one and he is, he will make your life miserable. She had more than enough chances to make up for these acts, yet chose to move on to the next guy and start over from scratch. I dont know about the sex because he found it difficult to get it or keep it up towards the end of us as I was onto him and was setting boundaries, the stress was killing his libido I think, hence the reason this new target suits because she is careful and that suits him because he cant perform ? I wrote him and told him to never contact me again. He has to live with this 24/7 negativity in his life. Also, watch his videos (sorry cannot provide the links, but youll find them). Eventually, I started to just get a gut feeling that Ah something was forming between them. I agree. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. Stay strong. Still dont know how to explain that to him. Hate that dark weather. Email only contact about Only childs needs issues happenings cut man out of all your social media by filtering through current accounts to start fresh with health boundaries work on Your Ideas for Personal Boundaries with Counselor and read as many blogs as you can do not give up for your child and you You know what you know about him get a UPS address its a physical address and inform a local Domestic Violence Shelter for ideas, support, advocacy too. Their weapons of choice are silent treatments and deflection. Where do i stand when i let him still in my heart and in my life? Theres also the possibility that he wants you as a secondary source of supply. We are now threats to them. He thought it was funny when he wrapped his legs around me neck and squeezed and I started to try and get him to stop, slapping my breast over and over until it had red dots all over it for days. And yes, I did everything I could think of to show him I adored him but the day I asked him to speak to me with respect I was completely devalued and discarded. Your success story in inspirational , Hi, i have a question about the last part of the last sentence in the letter which i would really like to understand the meaning of it, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.. Yes, I told him finally a few months after we broke up in an email. This has been the most difficult, confusing relationship. I often wonder why after all the horrible things Narcs do to us why we cant hate them? Wow thank you this is was my life of the last six years hitting g ever nerve then when I got to the letter It click this was my relationship God bless anyone who is dating these gross humans. To try and engage you, the narcissist will appear to "own up" to their mistakes and will feign humility and remorse in an attempt to pull at your heartstrings. It took me one year to realize, who I was dealing with. When I was a kid, like 5 years old or something my best friend had a German Shepard dog as a pet. You dont want to attract another narc!!! You are so right, Eden. Keep preaching it my friend!!! Thank you for your supportive kind words. So please go no-contact and set yourself free, i am living proof that it works, even 6 months after i felt little sorrow in knowing she was getting engaged. This is creepily similar to a letter I received several years ago from a crazy narc the list of qualities is identical. If he comes to my door, Im not answering. We know his modus operandi as well that hes a narc. There are several reasons why the narcissist wants to be friends with an ex, here are three of them: Obviously, the narcissist isnt going to tell you this, but eventually, theyll try and sleep with you. So empty. The intention of the N now is to quickly reinvent himself - like a . I was 20 back then, I didnt really pay much attention to that, I thought it was a mistake he had made and nothing more. What a miserable life. He figured if he stayed away long enough I would forget his horrible words. Cheers! I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. Does that make sense Kim? I dont even know if you desire to changebut I brought it up because often when people are in emotional turmoil, thats what drives them to try to make these kinds of major changes in their lives about how they are interacting with the world. He got into a habit of calling me crazy, delusional, stupid, on drugs, bitch, nympho every time we had an argument. Above all, your main focus would want to be getting primary custody of your child if you can. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. Yes loyalty is NOT their strong suit thats for sure. That was a month ago. I feel so much more calm and serene with him out of my life. For 5 years of our relationship, he blamed me for not being able to attend until I found out he was not invited. He has multiple relationships and always has drama. March 11, 2021. about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.. goodness me. Hurting you makes her feel better. I understand where you are coming from, Andy. To try to avoid manipulating situations for my sole benefit and playing on peoples weaknesses, which I conceded Im fairly good at but no narc master. They miss those sick games they once played with you, and the narcissist wants to maintain this. Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. I called the police. But yes, I agree that both men and women with narcissistic disorders cause massive amounts of damage to the ones that cared for them. lol. Sorry to say you have to change this choice change locks move his stuff out which can be dangerous for you (dont put anything past these Ns). I need that hope, I want to find that freedom inside me so once more I might fly free among the clouds. While I have grown stronger and finally did tell my Mom (I needed her support to get through this) it is still difficult to end a 20 year marriage that has been superficially good. but my guess is that men are used to going into their shells with their pain maybe? It was self d fense. It is sad because you love her unconditionally. This describes to a T the way I have been treated for the last four years I have been conditioned to wait and look forward to the next time we will spend together as she distances / hides away then draws me back in while I make excuses for her when Im asked questions about why she treats me like this . Four years of emotional, verbal, mental and psychological abuse. Twist a story to their advantage as if their the victim, and yet, their the culprit. But, then he was back. Even the tinest smile. She blocked me from social media and owes me $3,000, so the motive for her to stay away is pretty strong. Because now i have nothing anymore. Eden and tiredofliars8, WOW the idea, that he is possibly the BPD (borderline) came to me while I was reading the story. The only other option is that he is a Narc or Psycho who is playing her worse than she is playing him, LOL. I have to say his drama is entertaining at times. He then had to find something wrong with me and started to turn my like upside down, I am angry but I am healing. She told me they are friends first and foremost, that their relationship is not based on sex and the honeymoon period has not started yet. Thanks for sharing . After getting my email, the following day, he discarded his FB page and cut off the ex that he allowed to hover and all of the women I accused him of needing attention from. And he is happy to get rid of me. Sure I have my work, my family (? I know its easier said than done, but as long as you keep any contact, you will always feel invalidated, unworthy, and hopeless. Why are you waiting for him to return? Pray to Jesus Carole. He moved right into her place. I didnt know it at the time as I was told I was the problem and that she needed some space to find herself. No engagement is the best way to handle this kind of event. The police came and he flat out lied and omitted the part about him hitting me, only told them I hit him, and they ended up taking ME to jail for battery because at some point between me calling the police and them showing up there, HE scratched his own face and told them I did that when I hit him. He hasnt done anything horrible to her yet that I know of, but she doesnt seem as happy as she did at first nor does she have that glow that people who are in love usually have especially in the beginning of a new relationship. This is a terrible blow to the narcissists self-esteem, and it will activatenarcissistic rage. Kim, Ive been reading your emails and writings for about a year. And thats a good thing. I just unearthed his hand written letters from when we first started dating in college. I dont want to be back in a relationship with him. He inflicts severe emotional trauma, and then swoops in like some kind of savior when you react. He wont find better, but I wont be around to find out! And by the way, everything is a joke to the narcissist. Hes like so you dont care about the kids? Thanks for this post it boils it down so clearly. Who the hell knows. He has got to go! The cycle begins again. Borrowing my hard earned money and then disappearing a month later without paying me back, and blocking me from social media is inexcusable and unacceptable. While some of us are a little more narcissistic than others, very few people are actual . You will thank yourself in the morning. Did the narcissist leave you for a new love and is now having second thoughts? I take responsibility of this mess, as I should have understood my actions and those of my wife. Walk away and find someone who respects and appreciates you. which of course now everything makes sense to me. What she did do was lie, manipulate, triangulate relationships, curt me off a handful of times, etc. This reading was even before I got the second phone calls & texts. Thank you. I wanted to be sure, he gets what I have to say. Next day he calls at 6:50 am and woke me up, didnt even look I answered. A month after he left, he calls me about a freezer hed bought to replace one Id had prior to the relationship that went out; I was going to sell it cause I was trying to move out of state because I couldnt deal with the rejection I felt when he left and I wanted to start over someplace else. Let's do a quick recap, The are three prevalent thoughts that your ex is likely to think about if they don't contact you. I have had no one he was my mom dad bestfriend uncle grandparent I never had. its so sad to think how much time / money I have wasted on this girl. Funny thing is Eden, she says oh he is happy now, blah blah, and she told me the reason he could not get it up is because he stopped liking me as a person. My ex pulled the same crap. I love this app especially since any number on your blocked list wont go to voicemail. One way to spot a guy who is breadcrumbing? We were long distance, and I seen her a grand total of five weekends is all. Rodman, Id say, as a survivor, that the important thing is to work on healing ourselves as opposed to trying to understand Narcissism so deeply. I went through them myself, and also hear about these same Narc behaviors from my clients. They become overly critical of you. They see a therapist because theyve got a genuine desire to improve their lives not only for themselves but for their friends and family members. Uncovering the Mystery Behind Narcissism Youll Be Shocked! I WANNA BE ME AGAINIVE LOST THAT PART OF ME IM SAD TOO SAD ALL THE TIME I CANT GO FORWARD NMW I DO. Recently I heard he is raging at her for the same bizarre stuff he did with me (just for being a woman basically) and she is crying and confused (all while going through chemo for cancer). then i am flothing around a pink cloud. And is now in the begin fase of that other one both very happy. What should I do? He sounded like he is talking to me.. My daughter said the same thing.. she felt that he was talking to me. Ive been discarded like a McDonalds wrapper. I found that in the beginning it was intensely romantic, joyful, fun (i.e. Sex was punishment because i put him out . The presumably psycho female property manager of condominium got the Condo RO for me for INTIMIDATING threatening, interrogating HUGE MEN, such as plumbers, security etc, groups of them!! If someone wants to be part of it good. Do not follow your heart anymore when it comes to him. They it seems are not able to Love as we know it, they have no connection to feelings or people, they are empty vessels, they are never happy, they take, never give unless they want something. I would say the attention and looks were the main thing that drew me in, but really it was a very similar sense of humor and articulate manner of speaking. Jason, from one guy to another it aint easy getting over this. I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires. I hope that youre adjusting period at (in respect to home life) goes a bit more smoothly than it sounds in the near future. When he gives me the old lets meet for dinner line I tell him yea when I free up. They have gained absolutely nothing by doing this to us I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. (Yeah, thats truesick f*ck that he is.) Narcissists have got a reputation to uphold, when the relationship comes to an end, the last thing they need is for their ex to start trashing their name. I found that telling mine that I had figured out he was a Narc/Sociopath scared him off. "Those who do care will already know, so a social media post won't . I got the silent treatment for a week.. Then he texted wanting to know if I still loved him because he was lost and scared and alone and didnt have his guiding light anymore. For Someone so fantastic and beyond you. I was contacted by the narcissist that I divorced in April. Very difficult, but worthwhile. Some days i feel better and laughing again. Too weak I hqd creditcards with his name. Dont offer him any apologies for not being his friend. He glosses right over it. NPD, Antisocial BPD, etc etc. He said he wants to try dating and see if we work that way and live apart, because if he moves in and it doesnt and then moves out again itll be hard on kids etc. If there is fate, it has taught me to check my own energy and try to be as positive, or at least neutral, as I can in social situations. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! This man left our family in shambles I dont even want to look at him let alone joke around with him. Mine is such a stereotypical story its incredible. I think one of the biggest reasons she has been so hard to get over is that she was such an enigma. We could only dine at restaurants he went to with her family. Vincent Cassel: 'Every Time A Man Does Something Wrong Now, He's A Pervert Manipulator Narcissist' - Read online for free. Granted, we spoke on the phone all the time, but you see what I am getting at. I just started reading an article one day about Narcissism and felt like I was reading my life. Then cussed him out in August when we finally spoke again. I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. U have been dating a narcissist for 18 years and been married to him for 10 years before he left me and his adlut kids for someone new and i am in therpy now and want to heal but i cant get him to divorce me so heal and move on nowing i dont have the means to get rid of him and he has recently has job saying hedoesnt work there so he doesnt have to put on his health insurance.and this way he just keep living this lie he not married and lies about how kids he has and he has no contact with or me he says were his past but wont divorce me to be the past.so mw and kids can move.is there a reason for this? Are these guys just everywhere?? Id never met her friends I would recommend your getting counseling and contacting the suicide hotline at: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCIQ0kMoADAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.suicidepreventionlifeline.org%2F&ei=irtgVfLuEcqayASNhYHgCg&usg=AFQjCNE4Hv6RcsQlZUZgKuDddDBWMWUwvw&sig2=0EH5yuP0YMqLmaEdMf7V6w&bvm=bv.93990622,d.aWw. Pretty much same story, different couple. Your ex can't be resilient if they were hurt by your actions. What really is bothering me? everybody knows, its a psychopathic cluster,all listed disorders include the NPD and all are Antisocial. Congrats on ur joirney to recovery, Your email address will not be published. Someone should take up a collection of these and publish a free ebook to send to every 17 year old just making their way out into the larger world, with all the red flags highlighted and footnoted. It takes time..and lots of self reflection. Thank you for the objectivity. Im not a closet psycho waiting for the perfect opportunity to freak out on you and tell you that I love you so much that I want you to be my mommy and slap me silly with a wooden spoon on Tuesdays or anything I just am trying to figure out a way to tell you what Im feeling for you and its very difficult because I dont think I really understand what I am feeling. A few days after the restraining order hearing, I have my court date for the battery charge, which I am hoping will be dismissed due to the fact that I have pictures of abuse from last year. What do you think? However, he did do the character assassination and tried to make me look like the crazy one. I felt like I was a character in my own plot-twist movie. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. Anyway, you read the story. If you go no contact, its done no ? Her mom and I have let her know she is not alone and this is HIS problem. Just within the last month Ive been able to come out of my house riding my bike taking walks and etc. I try only now to be patient to feel my way and not react to this sense of emptiness fill it with other things and in a way hope that in time that the feelings will return but that is only for the experience of flying we are not alone in this world we do not do things only for the thing itself but that experience is surrounded by other people and its those people who are largely the same all of whom stood back and let me be abused. Am I so far gone for thinking that men always go for cheap and nasty insults like bitch, stupid, crazy when they argue with women? Answer (1 of 40): 1. Funny enough, that story I truly do not believe period. He tried denying it, but I think what I said hit home and he has tried to make subtle changes in my absence. and they just couldnt care less, they couldnt even care less what its doing to you the one they say they Love. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated. Relevant!! some deep childhood trauma Hell find someone else once he gets bored like they always do. Thank-you for your kind words. CAN A SADIST NOT TO KNOW, THAT THEY ARE TAKING PLEASURE, FROM CAUSING THE PAIN (definition for sadism)!! As far as I last knew, she had been with her new BF for nearly a year now, and may have moved in with him so he would be the current supply, unless she found new supply. He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. But maybe this is illlusionall because its my Invert N speaking. I dont know if i ever hear from him again. So now i am back at day one again. sent me a love song via email. Its maddening. There is hope for the victims. Eden, I havent read all your posts.did you ever tell him he was abusive? I struggle with the fact that years later he tried to deny our relationship (his words and actions too). She told me the very same thing happened to her and she could not make herself forgive after this, my ex says she is full of shit, because he went to her for advice on marriage and she obviously had different intentions. No he way too skilled to do it that way. I meet him 3 1/2 years ago, he was the most charming person Id every met my soul mate. Of course, the narcissist refused to accept our reasons or acknowledge what happened. Im a widow too and hes the nieghborhood handyman. I enjoyed her ways and I know it sounds insane but I could just sit and listen to her talk and watch her eat. Let me know hey. Well each one my ex has viewed. So true,although I am still not sure whether mine is a narc or BHD,I am still in love with the fantasy and now reality has hit home.He has pushed me around and even made me get out of the car and walk home,miserable and depressed most of the time ans says the most demeaning cruel thing,he now want us to be just friends and have solo holidays,it goes on and on continual devaluation and yet I am still hooked,like a drug addiction!!! know who and what he is, and he knows I know the truth about him. There is no difference than that dog and our beloved Narc. He cannot even look me in the eye and refuses to communicate with me regarding the kids. It can be an opening for the narcissist to hoover. Try to research on thisNPD is included in BPD, if its a Psychopathic BPD. If he can still affect you, if he knows you are monitoring his actions, feeling bad or upset that he has not contacted you, he will use this period to manipulate you. 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