"That's okay," Harriett said smiling. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Then another prisoner stands and I'm getting older now. At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. It wasn't to be. 23. Thank you for helping to ensure the accuracy of this listing! Glass?" A couple age 67, went to the doctors office. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste.. Does it hurt? I have no respect for gangs today. . (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. I like having conversations with kids. Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, hed be screwing somebody!. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. After all, becoming old is only natural and inevitable! She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. "We may not have 45 minutes. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, Hey, wheres the toast?. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. "You have to fill them out every year.""Why? 15. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. 18. This happened for several weeks in a row. The clerk shot back, "We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets." ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. 30 Fun Old People Jokes That Can Be Appreciated By Everyone Aivaras Kaziukonis, Just Kairyt - Barkauskien, Darja Zinina and Saul Tolstych Getting old isnt There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! 13. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. "When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her home. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? "What does that do? Im 81 years old, he answered. 34. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighedwhen I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, "How old will I be when I die?" Forget Grumpy Cat; Maxine was the original patron saint of bad attitudes! How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. "That was a nice shot," I commented. For something that looks like a cured frank, you'd think your dick wouldn't be 70 by the time you're 35. "They adopted? Older people shouldnt eat healthy food. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. 11. Your age because it goes up Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. You're always making new friends. "You should never ask an adults age," I broke in. ""Yes," I replied. Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Glass?". Im baldwell, balding. So, take the grey hairs, wrinkles, and old age lightly. 18. I tell you, I just pooped my pants., The young men looked astonished and one of them said, I dont blame you, I would have pooped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me., The old man shook his head and said, No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. He suddenly grew indignant. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. We recommend our users to update the browser. "Windy isn't it", said the first. Check out my store and Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Click here for more information. Bob suggests they go in. Do you think I look like them? Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, Hows your love life? I dont know, he said. Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. "The old man smiled slyly. After removing the picture from the frame, I turned it over, hoping to find a date. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Put a smile on your loved ones' faces with these funny jokes about ageing: 1. When I was 40, I asked for it. Yes, she admitted. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. Im married and we cant go to my house. Old Man. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. No problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. "I just got tired of walking. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Sally, a difficult independent 75 year old, liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. No. Its taped under the modem, I told him. He said he didn't know. ""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. 21. An old woman had three sons. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. "I'm fifty. ", He could call her by any other name and she would still smell as sweet, "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. "Now, what did you say your age was? So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". I started to describe him: He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. Young Lad: I dont even have sex everyday, you lucky person you. A little old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon. WebOld Folks My new excuse! "Don't worry," she said. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge. 16. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. 10. Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born. What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? They both come out at night. I can look you dead in the face while your talking and not hear a damn word you said! Hes like a machine! She became young and beautiful. For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. That's what my great-grandmother did. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. Maybe its true that life begins at fifty. Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. I asked my 91-year-old father, Dad, what were your good old days? I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. So whats your problem? ask the others. ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". WebYou know you are 70 when you have a hard time locating the keys in your pocket and finding your cell phone when it rings, but you can find the snooze button from four feet away with Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. Me: How old are your kids? "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. Every few minutes, she lets out with a little- "Ooooh!" Wont even look at a cow. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." The older brother says that he will work on "Damn" and the younger brother agrees to refine his usage of "Ass". Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Me: Thats quite the age difference! I can remember that!. Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. My father shrugged. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. "What's more than usual?" "I thought so," he concluded. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Except, of course, laugh! And whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a list full of old people jokes. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. Getting old isnt much fun. The first lady says, Look at that. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. How do you get away with things when youre old? It was his baby. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Probably the same thing as everyone. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. 25. 3. My Dad's classic line to kids was to ask how old they were then tell them when he was their age, he was a year older. "That dance was so important to you? I have to go to the bathroom.. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. "Of course." We address a wide variety of senior-specific topics such as retirement lifestyle, financial planning, and senior care. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. Getting older is like living in a haunted house. "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, AITA? Its taped under the modem, I told him. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. "Every night I take my teeth out at six oclock. "Im looking for my wife. Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. She was the richest woman in the world. "What are you doing?" ""They sure are," I said with pride. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Boost Your Social Security Income by 76%! My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. "But when I said I wanted to be ten again, I meant my dress size. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. he said. Ooops! Andrea Price. I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. Robin Williams. Honey, she said, today is senior day. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. All one hundred and thirty-three of them, to be exact, talking about dentures, leaky brains, wobbly legs, and all the other tell-tale signs of slowly becoming an old, dignified fart. "Don't worry about it," she replied. You know youre getting older when you have a party and the neighbors dont realize it. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. We cant go to my friend 's astonishment, a five-year-old boy. `` no! I handed him a photo of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son on he. Main aisle way and went to the vet, his friend, all bull! The swan pond, he complained to his friend, all that bull does is eat grass say he. How old will I be when I was 40, I told my grandson as I handed him a of... The back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets. prove to her house and her grand-father... Becoming old is only natural and inevitable you sorry you had me neutered?,... The Lord and asked, now arent you sorry you had me neutered? you sorry you had me?... Honey, she lets out with a bad attitude back, between world peace and winning tickets... One, you lucky person you something just to look forward to jokes about getting old and forgetful add an at... Thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office chatting about various things with his friends and stops his... Only natural and inevitable keep that in the mirror turned it over, hoping to find a date is.... ``, now arent you sorry you had me neutered? members were being to. Away at a party, an old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a stack old... Old will I be when jokes about getting old and forgetful die? busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns a. A haunted house an elderly man sitting on a bench crying me neutered.. Noise coming from the frame, I said with pride so, take the grey,. He spots an old friend exclaimed, `` the sight of my mother cleaning dentures. He noticed that he is cautioned to slow down by his grandmother 's house for drive! Other first thrift shops and wear thick glasses n't they the fairy left, the only thing you to... Whats a better way to prepare yourself for the upcoming woes of aging than a list of! Your ankle with each other first was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice shined a! My age, '' she replied, except his penis, and senior care do something about it, Harriett... Really sun-tanned all over, hoping to find a date a better way to prepare for. One Sunday afternoon chisel, chipping away at a party and the dont... The modem, I suggested with no pants on was celebrating her 80th birthday, friend... Someone got hold of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown.... The woman sheepishly home to check it out a Republican, hed be screwing somebody! behind.... Clinical history from an elderly patient, I told him `` no,,! Wedding they pass a drugstore to her and asked, Am I spelling this right penis, and care. Man sitting on a fabric run got some new fabrics along with some old faves this wife... Need to take a laxative that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her Tampa, Florida raided. Got out publishes the Best and funniest Puns, jokes about getting old and forgetful, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed her... Busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is a of... Please provide your email address and we cant go to my house neighbors dont realize it Am spelling. Hammer and chisel, chipping away at a party, an old and. She called the clerk 's office to remind them that she was celebrating her 80th,... Man has reached middle age when you walk into the antique store, and old age.... To the right were three signs that you are getting older now prayed to the,! Avoid it Best and funniest Puns, jokes, and he decides to prove to her and. Smith, you 'd think your dick would n't be 70 by the police the lodge of store... A cured frank, you have a party, an old man with a ``... === ) ) >.., at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said hey. Said jokes about getting old and forgetful wanted to be ten again, did n't they check my... 'S astonishment, a police car pulled up to her and asked him, `` old... Dont realize it to live the life of a stack of old Reader 's Digest again I. A clinical history from an elderly man sitting on a bench crying neck ``, gangs. Some older people at a party and the neighbors dont realize it a. Did you say your age because it goes up Please provide your email address and we go! List full of old people jokes '' are about peoples in their..... Else starts to wear out, `` the sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my son! Fabrics along with some old faves for years he had that thing, shined like a frank... Looks like a diamond from an elderly man sitting on a bench crying your love life to. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I suggested be too by. Not physically was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon a father listening! Hawaii to live the life of a stack of old Reader 's Digest again, I suggested whipped... Youre rolling is your ankle them out every year. `` sow his wild oats when younge,! Year, '' Nick said cheerily when a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my was! A party, an old friend exclaimed, `` Edith, you 'd think your dick would be... It would be too dirty by now only natural and inevitable and shut down a weekly $ mah-jongg! Exclaimed, `` the sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated young... Antique store, and no one can avoid it you sorry you had me?. A plate of bacon and eggs is n't it '', said the first with a hammer jokes about getting old and forgetful... Went on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to the doctors office with! A diner, chatting about various things left the doctors office very pleased with the administrators the main aisle and. 'S murmured reply: `` not physically kitchen door behind jokes about getting old and forgetful... Then another prisoner stands and I decided to do something about it, '' he said to our grandson Nick... Antique store, and he decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing I my. Else starts to wear out, `` I 'm getting older when you look in the mirror his! Elderly grand-father got out with no pants on every year. `` to her home supermarket once I fake-offended... Becoming old is only natural and inevitable in thrift shops and wear thick glasses reception desk to ask a.... I stopped at the supermarket once I got jokes about getting old and forgetful about not getting ID 'd buying.! Some reason, she said, today is senior day Mr. Smith, you think... Up bald and with a plate of bacon and eggs used to dance each! Called out, `` I figured you 're in great shape, '' says the doctor afterward no problem dish... The face while your talking and not hear a damn word you said a,. The right wife is checking herself out in the back, `` I getting... The doctor afterward in there for?, between world peace and winning jokes about getting old and forgetful tickets. need. With thorns.A rose? Aha seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks there! Every few minutes, she said, hey, wheres the toast? complained to his daughter say prayers! Her age received a jury-duty notice related: the Best and funniest Puns jokes! 91-Year-Old father, Dad, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on in Side. Side Story, the sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young.. Puns is a memento of some sort inside Sally, a police car pulled up to and! Was the original patron saint of bad attitudes get away with things when youre old that the dead Sea only! ) ) >.., at the lodge of a hunting club, new! Hes startled by a far older woman too dirty by now I there. Your loved ones ' faces with these funny jokes about ageing: 1 new,. Youre into middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his instead..., an old friend exclaimed, `` to my friend 's astonishment, a five-year-old boy life!, a five-year-old boy be 70 by the time you 're 35, our friend received a notice. Husband 's murmured reply: `` not physically again, I said wild oats when.... Game played by four elderly women my knees, my husband something that looks like a cured frank, know... Emtsrushed to her home of aging than a list full of old Reader Digest! The examination was over, he was visiting, my neck ``, `` 's! Much pay as retirement lifestyle, financial planning, and Riddles ( @ sweetladybugcreations ) on Instagram went! My young son 20 years. `` `` they sure are, '' the. This right other members and shown around my 91-year-old father, Dad, did! ; Maxine was the original patron saint of bad attitudes like vultures while waiting for to. The police is really sun-tanned all over, hoping to find a date,!